The Jay's Days: January 2011

What do you do with the baby clothes that have holes and are stained and loved through?

Here's the quilt!!! A patchwork of memories!!

I can't part with them and don't feel like they're really of use to anyone else. No future daughter in law will ever really want to use them so I took a deep breath and got out my sewing scissors and cut them up into a bunch of pieces. Tonight I stayed up late and sewed them all together into a quilt for Fletcher. I started crying at my sewing machine as it was coming together.... memories of Carter wearing the formerly baby blue sleeper that has faded to pale white. All four boys wearing the lime green gown with the giraffe embroidery that Gigi gave me when I was on bedrest worried that my baby would be naked. The sleepless nights, dreamily nursing them as we rocked in the rocker in the predawn hours. Each scrap of fabric holds scraps of memories. The memories of motherhood.

They won't remember the countless diaper changes when I unsnapped and snapped those outfits together so many times the snaps barely work anymore. How they're all so soft from so much use. Folding and putting them away after countless loads of laundry. Or jamming their toes into the ends of my favorite ones even though they had outgrown them weeks previous but I just wanted them to wear it one last time... and poor Fletcher received hand-me-downs three times over some with holes in the toes! But I still loved using them all again. And I have new memories of him wearing them, too. All stitched together in my mind.

A legacy of Jay boys. The threads of the past stitching together the family that we have become. Messy at times like the back side of the quilt but the other side beautiful and unified, too.

I'm pleased with how the quilt came together. Even if it doesn't mean much to him, a lot of love is poured into it. I keep thinking that when I'm old and gray and my grown men sons come to visit me in the nursing home they can cover me up with it and I'll fondly remember holding and loving on my babies when they were small enough to wear those little jammies.

And just now as I sifted through almost six years of digital pictures to find pictures of each of them wearing these 0-3 month outfits I wept. I remember it ALL so vividly! I wrapped myself in the quilt and just let the tears flow. It didn't help that Jim was playing Jim Brickman piano music on our new surround sound stereo... that music takes me back to 58th Street. How can time be going so quickly? I'm really trying to live in the moment. To enjoy the ride of parenthood. But it's going so fast! They grow and change so rapidly. But you don't recognize how quickly until you look back. Watching family movies or looking at pictures makes you realize how quickly it happens. And it's all good. These are happy tears. My cup runneth over. I'm so incredibly thankful! Four healthy, vibrant, wildly adventuresome, sweet, boyz! But somewhere deep down inside - it aches.

Sweet little fuzzy bright eyed Carter - 1 month

Brand new fresh baby Carter - this was his first night home

Carter - his first night home. He didn't sleep all night - this was in the morning I remember noticing how big his hands were when I took this picture

Sweet baby Carter - one week old. This was when the outfit was still blue.

But look how little he was - he was swimming in a 0-3 month outfit!

So little!

Carter in the giraffe sleeper. He and his blankie were so new

At night he still looks like this!

This was Carter wearing what he should have worn home from the hospital but he threw up all over it and he came home wearing a diaper and a hospital shirt! This was the sweetest little outfit that was from Carter's (the store) and it had little lambs and said "If they could just stay little" He was 2 weeks old here and had nearly grown out of it!

Here he is wearing the green giraffe gown kicking while watching his mobile. I called him my Kickie-poo! I swear he kicked like this while he was in utero!

Always a blur!

This was my first Mother's day! I woke up and was surprised to see a present in his crib with him! These jammies were ones that Fletcher wore with holes in the feet but some of my favorites! (Now in the quilt!)

Here I am on my first Mother's day holding my baby Carter!

Carter in the striped Jammies again

Carter- probably 3 months here because his hair was falling out on top & long on the sides

Sleeping baby Carter

Carter LOVED the jumpy thing! Getting major air! (In the old kitchen!)

These farmer jammies are in the quilt too... they didn't survive past Kiefer

Here's sweet baby Kiefer the day we brought him home from the hospital! Wearing the outfit Jim went out and bought him while I was in the hospital

Sweet baby Kiefer! This outfit is now in the quilt, too!

I LOVE this picture of Carter & Kiefer!

Sweet baby Kiefer

Kiefer - 2 months

Kiefer fell asleep while playing on the playmat. This was a novelty to me because Carter never slept! Here are those same striped jammies! (filled out a little differently!)

Kiefer still looks like this when he sleeps, too!

Sweet baby Kiefer! Had the charm even at a young age!

His smile has always lit up the room!

And he's still DEVOTED to his thumb and his blankie

Little Carter holing baby Kiefer

Kiefer 8 months old! I love this picture!!

Baby Griffin in the lime green giraffe gown! Just home from the hospital! I love this picture!!

Carter & Kiefer holding baby Griffin (wearing the lime green gown!)

Uncle Creepy holding week old baby Griffin.... his namesake. Russell ANDREW holding Griffin ANDREW!

Playing in a fort built in the basement (Griffin in the striped jammies!)

Griffin sleeping bottoms up

3 boys in a crib

Griffin in the striped jammies... playing with his favorite toy of a lego piece & wearing a hat

smiling Griffin showing off his two teeth

Me holding Griffin while packing up our old house!

Griffin in the pale blue jammies - maybe 2 months here

Griffin being held by Grammy when we had her to our house for dinner two weeks before she died.

Griffin with his blanket that Grammy gave him wearing the jammies Mimi gave him - these had holes in the feet for Fletcher and are now in the quilt.

Sweet baby Griffin with his little tooth! 6 months old

6 month old Griffin in the striped jammies!

So sweet!

Griffin testing out the jumpy thing with big brother helpers! (Kiefer now wears the jammies Carter's in and Griffin's wearing the Thomas the Train ones... they cycle continues!)